Parenting and Gender

                                         

                                                                         

    Boys and girls differ in many ways, and we can immediately notice and name some of them: girls tend to be calmer and more delicate, perhaps that's why we tend to protect them more than boys, who, unlike girls, tend to be more hyperactive, energetic, more forceful, and independent. Many beliefs have also been culturally instilled or passed down from generation to generation. These differences are inherent to their gender and what makes them unique, although they can often be a double-edged sword. As parents, in some situations, we tend to adapt our rules, norms, and discipline according to that gender identity. It's difficult to recognize, but it's very easy to fall into this trap. Often, it's even an unconscious approach and hasty decisions based on what we believe is best for one or the other. This can become a long-term dilemma if it isn't analyzed and addressed in time; for example, making distinctions between siblings, inducing the belief that there is favoritism, jealousy, etc. But... what should we do to avoid falling into these misconceptions or distorted views? 

The following guide contains analytical questions to help you recognize if you're facing this dilemma:

• Do I feel that I was treated differently from my siblings in my childhood because of my gender? 
• Have my children ever criticized me for how I treat them? 
• Am I more flexible with some of my children than with others? 
• Do I tend to be sexist or feminist? 
• Am I getting the expected results from the discipline I use with my children?

If the answers weren't entirely satisfactory, perhaps it's time to change or improve in this area. Here are some tips you can apply to achieve more positive results:

• Work for equality: For example, ensure everyone participates and helps with the same household chores.
• The same rules for everyone: For example, if a curfew is established after visiting friends, everyone must adhere to it.
• Equal flexibility or rigor: Be fair in your discipline without being too lenient or permissive.
• Keep only the positive aspects of your own childhood; Don't pass on bad habits or traumas to your children, not even cultural ones.

No one is born a parent, and we will undoubtedly make mistakes, but we cannot shirk our responsibility. We have very useful tools to help us do our job, and our children deserve to have parents who strive to raise them in a healthy way.

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Emotional Coaching

    No one doubts that those of us who are parents love our children more than anyone else. Even so, the pace of life, the many responsibilities, and the lack of time can generate feelings of stress, exhaustion, and even, sometimes, mood swings or negative reactions. That's when misunderstandings, disagreements, and rudeness begin to appear. This often happens due to a lack of knowledge about how to deal with these issues and our children's emotional regulation. They will naturally express their emotions genuinely, but not always in the best way. They are in the process of recognizing and managing these emotions, unlike an adult who acts more impulsively. There will be times when we need to "get down to our child's level," speaking to them in simple, straightforward language, with all the patience and tolerance in the world, and trying to put ourselves in their shoes. This is where we encounter the main challenge: lack of time, lack of motivation, and quick, impulsive responses, with no desire to negotiate.

    At this point, what emotional coaching proposes is precisely to work on effective communication and interaction, from a sensitive and emotional perspective. As parents, we can strive to improve our validation and empathy when communicating with our children. Let's work on maintaining positive communication, without judgment. Transformation and change begin with oneself.

    Dr. John Gottman said, "If you focus solely on discipline, you will have obedient children." If you also focus on emotional coaching, you'll have children who truly know who they are, who want to excel, and who also want to connect with others ("Tools for Parenting with Emotional Coaching")

Resources: https://youtu.be/z3uPPEtyX_I

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Development

    Development is a natural part of life, of growth, exploration, learning, and experience. For our children, it will unfold naturally and progressively throughout their respective life stages. We will witness this as we watch them grow. How do we accompany them in this process? What is our role as parents? What kind of support should we provide? While it is a natural process, we must be prepared for the right moment with the right advice or warning. Some of the issues that concern parents and that they should address with their children at the appropriate time include:

• Economy/Financial Matters
• Friendships
• Education
• Household and/or Religious Rules/Norms
• Personal Hygiene/Care
• Clothing
• Eating Habits
• Future Goals
• Respect
• Sexuality/Sex Education
• etc.

    Many more important issues could be added to this list, and not all of them will be addressed at the same time or even at the same stage of life, because it may not be necessary or appropriate. But when the time comes, it requires prepared minds, open to having conversations about topics that are sometimes difficult and uncomfortable. This is a task we cannot delegate to anyone else, and one for which we are absolutely responsible.

    Let us guide our children toward good or appropriate decisions so that, as they encounter challenges and difficult situations on their own path, they can recognize which decisions to make, taking responsibility for the consequences of their own actions.